de-scheduled days: an experiment

Since my last post (which was, yes, more than a week ago), I've been doing something that is VERY foreign to my Type A way of existing: not allowing myself to "schedule out" any of my days as I had been doing up until that point. What has this meant for me? I've been going to bed & waking up when I decide I want to, or according to what I feel my body is telling me it needs, rather than following a sleep & wake schedule that ensures that I get X number of hours of sleep. Working out multiple times (and at weird hours) on some days, and on others, just going on a casual walk. Spending more time than I ever would normally making weird - and I mean weird - dishes for my mid-day répas. Same goes for hummus-like dips involving any number of beans & vegetables for our (almost daily) apéros. Stopping to stare at a field of lavender for the approximate duration of about 10 minutes. Frequent impromptu dance parties in my room. Spending hours brainstorming new playlist ideas, and going down music rabbit holes that a normal work schedule wouldn't allow.

The main reason I decided to "unschedule" my life was this: my workload has been near zero since the start of the confinement, and I suddenly realized one day that there is truly absolutely nothing I "have to do" on any given day, and never has there been another time in my adult working life when this has been the case. For as long as I can remember, my days have been scheduled by the hour with prioritized task lists so that I can accomplish both work and personal "to do's" for a given day; I sometimes (meaning, quite often) even schedule out my weekends. It is just who I am. So I decided I would take advantage of this crazy time (where time seems to have literally stopped around the world) to see what it would be like to stop thinking about my days in terms of hours and "to do's" and to go about them instead as if time truly did not exist - and as if I had no concept of what a "to do" even was. To just let myself exist and DO as I felt and wanted in the moment.

The effect of this "experiment" on my mental state has been incredibly positive. I have felt calmer, happier, and more stress & anxiety free than I have felt in a long time. There was one day, however, where, suddenly out of nowhere, I found myself struggling with feelings of sadness throughout the day. You might say "well, that's a negative," but it absolutely was not. At the end of the day that day, I sat and stripped each feeling and thought I'd experienced over the course of the day down to its bare bones in a way I have never done before. And it was incredible. The next day was a total 180 and has been since.

Apart from giving a glimpse into how I've been spending my days in confinement these past few weeks (and admittedly to excuse myself for the absence of a "weekly post" these past few weeks), I don't know what my firm purpose is in sharing this. But perhaps one of you is similarly Type A - and in a similar situation work wise - and you're having a hard time setting & keeping to a routine or schedule when you suddenly have nothing to schedule and that is giving you a hard time. Going the way of the "anti-schedule" for a bit may not help you as it has me. But on the flip-side, it could be exactly what you need and make a world of difference in your day-to-day. So why not give it a try, even if just for a few days? You owe it to yourself to find out.